Moody and her Ghosts

Ahem. About the title...

 

 The song is actually called "Jenny of Oldstones."

It's Game of Thrones Season!

There are few things I love in this world more than Game of freakin' Thrones. At the time of this writing, there are three episodes left. Three glorious Sunday nights and then there will be no more Westeros, no dragons, no Kings Landing, and no more Jon Snow.
 Anyway, I was rifling through the bins at the Goodwill outlet last week when my eyes spotted this:

 

It's a pillow sham.

If you've watched any of season 8, you might see where I'm going here. That faux fur reminded me of something!

********Spoilers Ahead!*******

The show (and yes, also the books) is full of symbolism. Even the costumes help tell the stories. Here Daenarys Targaryen, who's spent the last seven seasons trying to reclaim the throne once held by her father, as she was believed to be the rightful heir.
This season, she rode her dragons to The North with Jon Snow. Since winter has come, she wears a luxurious fur coat. She looks cold as ice as she prepares to rule the Seven Kingdoms.
Only thing I rule over is a wrestling ring.

Well, sometimes... (Check posts tagged WAW Wrestling for the background.) My boyfriend Chris hasn't wrestled since our last stint four years back where we did a GoT gimmick with fur capes and whatnot. He agreed to do a short stint for a special event; but he needed a story.

Here's how our story played out!

This time we did it as our oldschool characters. Our angle started when Christian Sain, (my guy) stormed the ring after a long absence to flip out on Derek Conway, a commentator who brought up his name during the previous show. It was a paranoid meltdown where he raged against Conway for "saying his name!"
The next week, he came back and pulled the same stunt. But this time he swerved and instead of taking issue with Conway, he called out: "Stop saying my name... Henry!"

 It was like in this scene when Sansa turned the tables on Littlefinger

Henry is our very popular, good guy announcer. Now Chris has really hammered it home that he's the villain. Conway came in to save Henry and there was a brawl. This week, the company president intervened to put a stop to her man. (That's me.)
I apologized on behalf of Christian Sain and promised to keep him away. Conway wasn't convinced. I left the ring while he looked at me with shifty eyes.
This was meant to put suspicion about my true intentions into the viewers' minds. Of course, Conway called for a match with Sain, who refused saying he was a 4X WAW Champion and would only do a match if it was for the WAW title. And he knows that his girlfriend will make that happen.
Hmmm...will I be a fair and just queen? Or would I take the side of my partner and screw everyone over?
That's what they're doing with the Daenerys' storyline. Will she bend the knee for Jon Snow when she finds out he is actually the heir to the throne? Or will she just have her dragon shoot fire and burn everyone like her father, "The Mad King" would do?
There is a 0% chance that anyone who saw my costume for the Special Event Show, Legacy, understood that my costume was a reference to the small similarities to our stories. It's like an Easter egg, a symbolic thing that no one will notice.
So what will I do with that pillow sham?

 It's a no-sew!

I draped it over my shoulders and safety pinned it under the arms like that. It was like a "shrug" top like this:

The Dragon Queen always displays her house sigil and has a huge, sparkly dragon thing on her coat. My "house sigil" is a bee or a star (my name is Moody Starr so that checks out.) I pulled out some pendants and pinned them on with a medieval looking brooch.

Here's what it looked like!

That's "backstage" maybe I'll check Facebook for an in-ring shot later.

If you're still reading this, thanks!

And if you're wondering what happened at Legacy? You're probably not, but just in case...
I told Christian Sain that he would be fighting for the title and he would be in the main event...but not tonight.
I demanded he give Conway the match. They fought and Sain was defeated but then they shook hands to great applause and it was a happy ending.

Ding. SHAME.

Remember last time I blogged, I said that I hadn't blogged because of my headaches? I got another excuse! (Read on, I'll get to it.)
I hate the fact that I have such a hard time keeping up with Craft, Thrift, or Die. I love this thing. The realization that tumbleweeds are rolling past it leave me with one feeling:
(Go ahead and click, it's just a 30 second audio clip.)

In one of season 5's last episodes of Game of Thrones, the villain Cersei is made to walk naked through the streets of King's Landing, her hair cut off and her face bruised, being pelted with garbage by the townspeople. Throughout this walk, a nun follows behind ringing a bell and repeating one word; "shame!"
It's actually a difficult scene to watch, not exactly a spirit lifter. Cool sound clip to use when you want to show your disapproval for the actions of another.
For instance, have you ever noticed the abundant selection of bells at the thrift stores? I guess collecting bells was a thing at one point?
So I'll be strolling through the Goodwill, like so:

Then, much to my embarrassment, my gentleman companion brings it to my attention that I am taking too long or putting excessive items in the cart. How can one drive that message home? Oh, look what's on the shelf!

"Shame!" Chris says, ringing Grandma's dusty old "collectible" bell. "Shame!" Ring on, bro. No shame in my thrift game.
Anyway; about my lack of blogging...
After five great years together, my laptop computer finally gave out and died, just before Thanksgiving. I immediately went to the local big box electronics/appliances store and bought a replacement as this was an absolute necessity for running my Etsy business. Guess what couldn't be be replaced?!
My pictures. Shit tons of pictures. Like a good little planning-ahead-type-person, I remembered to take "before" pics of the clothing I plan to refashion as soon as I get them. I had many of these pictures, as well as photos of merchandise that I had not yet listed online.
I even had the recently edited "after" pics of my Daenerys Targaryen costume. It looked awesome.
"Didn't you back up your data?!" you're probably exclaiming, in judgement of my carelessness.
You know what, no I didn't! I did not do that, despite knowing that my PC was on its way to brick status. Shut up, that's why!
That feeling when you don't save the pictures that you need:

 

So, that kinda put me off from blogging. Also, around November and December is when I start makin

making mad cash. Sales of my vintage stash on Sweet Scores have been bountiful. So, I've been busy packing up and shipping orders.
So, that's that. I'm a lousy, unreliable blogger. Time for resting now, bye.

It's a cape! It's another GoT inspired costume!

Look at me, posting a post again. Only a week and a half after my last post! By the way, I updated my last post because I forgot something. Here is or my second week of costumes based loosely on the best show ever, Game of Thrones.
By the way, I am extremely aware that it was a series of books first. No, I did not read them. It would not have appealed to me, as I rarely read fiction and have never been into medieval-dungeons-and-dragons type stuff. But, when I heard there was a show with naughty scenes that also stars Peter Dinklage as a sex symbol, I was like "count me in!"
While the first week's costume was dark and sexy, this outfit is more of a nod to my past as a "mother figure" of WAW. This is my Lady Catelyn Stark inspired (very loosely inspired) costume.

 That's Lady Catelyn Stark, not me. Wife of Lord Eddard Stark, who was killed attempting to get retribution for her slain husband. She's wearing a cape and some fur around her neck. That's about the only thing in common with my "creation."

That is a teal sweater, size 1X. It will be a cape. I think Lady Stark wore a color similar to this in a scene where she and her husband Ned were talking near their tree.

It's hard to tell. Anyway, I also wanted the chance to wear this incredible black, velvet dress:

Available for purchase ;)

Let's just cut to the chase. First, I turned the sweater inside out and pinned up the armholes.

See? I pinned, marked, and then sewed the arm up, right across the armpit. I cut off the sleeves after I decided it looked ok.

LOL, bad lighting for both pics, sorry not sorry. It doesn't look perfect, but that's the shoulder area with the sleeves sewn/cut off.
Next, the fur collar part which is kind of a cheat.

What you're looking at is a faux fur collar that I removed from another sweater. The collar has those button loop things as it once attached to the buttons on a thick gray sweater.
The black chain holding it together is from the same long chain that I used to make my necklace last week. The chain didn't hold it in place as much as I needed, so...
See those little clasps on each side? They're the clips from one of those mitten clip dealies like the one used to hold Chris's cape on in the last post. These things:

 I removed the elastic part and attached the clips to the jump rings on each side of the chain. These clips then clipped to the straps on my dress, as well as the cape. Let's see!

There's a close-up. Here's the whole thing:

I should mention that the picture quality isn't great because in an effort to get a shit-ton of things done, I stubbornly took these pictures after sundown. I didn't waste time lacing up my boots, but I didn't wear open-toed heels when I performed in this. I added a belt because that's just how I do. Accentuate waist always. How about that necklace?

I found that in the jewelry section of a craft store and thought it would be perfect. Moody Starr was known as the Queen Bee back in her day and as the Stark's had the direwolf and Lannisters used a lion, the House of Starr's symbol should be a bee.

Here's some light on the details:

Stay tuned for next week's Daenerys Targaryen! In a half-assed way!

I know what you did last April...

...and I'll show you in this Halloween themed post! My plan is to show four Game of Thrones inspired costumes to whomever happens to view my blog this month. That's four posts by the end of the month. Let's see if I meet my goal--or take until Christmas!
I don't mean to bury the lede here, but here's the short version: back in April, Chris and I did a month long stint back in WAW. As mentioned previously, we returned with a Game of Thrones gimmick. Medieval style costumes! I waited so long to post about it for several reasons, all of which are probably valid excuses.
For the first week, I chose a look I call "Moody Starr-k." If anyone needs help with that, "Moody Starr" is my long time performance alias, and "Stark" is one of the main family names on GoT. (Get it? Starr-k?) My inspiration is the dark look of Sansa Stark at the end of Season 4.

I call this "heel Sansa." ('heel" being the bad guy in wrestling.) In this final episode of the season, Sansa accepts her fate as out of her control and attempts to play along. The once red haired maiden enters the room in a goth-y style dress, badass necklace, and darkened hair.
Keep in mind, my attire isn't cosplay. My aim was not to make an exact replica of Sansa's attire, but to make my own that is clearly inspired by that one. Here's where I would be showing you the "before" pic of the dress I used. But I can't. Most of the pictures where taken on my phone and then not uploaded. They were lost during the sad phone death back in May.
Here's what I looked like!

The dress is a black velvet one that I got at Hot Topic when I was in my late teens. (And that is why you don't throw anything out!) I updated it by making it sexier. I lowered the neckline and made a slit up the side. I also created bell sleeves by slitting them a few inches.

 I added a waist cinching belt because that's just how I do. That furry piece is an old collar that I snagged out of a bin at Goodwill. It came from an old coat and it's a piece I made long ago for another GoT inspired look! Fur collar from 2013.  That's a nod to the direwolf fur worn by those in The North
That necklace.

Pretty damn easy to replicate. See that round thing? Doesn't it look like one of those plastic belt rings?

Materials:
2 medium jump rings
one black plastic belt buckle
one long black chain
some kind of long, black, weighted pendant

By the way, people make much nicer versions of these and they're available for purchase in the handmade section of Etsy. So, there's the cheapy belt buckle that I took off a belt that I never wore. As you see, I attached one jump ring to the top of the plastic piece, then another to that.

Attach the chain to the second jump ring. Then you put it around your neck and loop the other end through the plastic ring.

Ideally, there should be something on the end of that dangling chain to weight it down. I didn't have anything that I thought would work.
I put this costume on just to get pics for this post. After the photo shoot, I  realized I was missing my

gray rope belt: 

There it is. It's a spool of something from Joann's. I forgot to put my fur detail on for this one. More pics?

Chris wore his wrestling attire, because one needs proper attire to wrestle well. For his entrance, we bought a yard or two of fake furry fabric from Joann's. I have here, a picture from Instagram taken on that very night.

Furry cape is attached with one of those mitten clips with a brooch on it. Crowd reacted with much applause for the wolf pelt cape, chanting "King of the north!" and such.
Come back soon and see my Lady Catelyn Stark cape!

Update: I meant to include something else in this post. See that gentleman in the picture with me up there? He happens to collect these toys known as Funko Pops (I guess that's what they're called. I've been calling them rubber dolls.) They're large-headed, vinyl figures of various characters. He sometimes "refashions" them into one of a kind pieces! For instance, here is the Sansa Stark figure:

Here is the figure that I received for my birthday this past August:

That's me in my outfit! He added fur, painted the hair magenta, and even gave me rosy cheeks! He then placed it on a platform of clay snow with a picture of Sansa's home Winterfell as a background. Awesome!

Late Conclusion

Months later, I am finally posting the end of the story I started during the winter. My "first draft" has been trapped in a notebook since late February because I didn't feel like editing and typing and got busy with other stuff.

Now, the winter is gone. Each season changes and I'm struck by how different things become. Where life was once constant--the people, the places, the events--now seems ever changing. I think back on recent years and each is different from the next. It's as if each is a new era. 

The spring is so damn short. (Whispers) this forsythia bush is symbolic of that because this deciduous plant blooms in spring for a short amount of time. 

I hate when my leaves fall off. (Follow the metaphor...) Whether good or bad, I don't like to lose people or places. I yearn for those times in my past and the people who are no longer part of my world.

Look at this crushed velvet dress.

Continued from here. 

My story concludes...

So as that summer of 2013 came to close, so did the Moody-Falcon era. He used to leave his overnight job early in the morning and drive up to see me each Wednesday. Then one late August morning, I woke up alone with a feeling of dread. A phone call confirmed that my time was up. This story isn't about that.

It was like watching Ned Stark lose his head. My mind was blown and I just couldn't accept it. "Noooo!" I repeated, as if I could make him take it back. But, you can't just reattach a head to its body, and I could not hold onto a goddamn bird of prey as it flew out of my hands.

As I descended back into the abyss of depression (also my dad was about to have heart surgery) Falcon kept in touch. He cried with me and was very sensitive to my pain. I told him I wanted to say goodbye face to face, and he agreed that he would, saying that he wouldn't refuse to face me like John had. In September he came by to see me. I remember crying in my doorway as we hugged our final farewells. He had tears in his eyes as he looked back at me before walking out the door, leaving me to live a life all by myself. I was the loneliest girl in the world. 

WAW held its 14th Anniversary Celebrations in November. I had been gone a year, but old timers are invited back to participate. Falcon was only wrestling part time, but he invited me to appear at WAW 14 as manager of the Firebirds. 

That was us as a team back in 2011/2012

I was scared as hell to be back in that place again, but under Falcon's wing (sorry) I felt like I was safe with a trusted friend. Afterwards, he told me that as I walked through those old curtains to make my way to the ring that my tough/angry looked lit up into a smile when I heard the audience cheer.

In the time that followed, we stayed in touch. He was always so kind to me, a real freakin' gentleman. He actually appreciated my honesty when I made humorous jabs at his "evil ways." Sometimes, he would stop in and visit. He came by one day last summer and we took a walk through the downtown area where I live and had smoothies. It was great.
I should mention that during any visits or texting chats did he ever attempt to lure me into the sack. It seemed to contradict what I had previously said in the beginning about crossing state lines. He was actually taking time to talk to me as a friend. As if he actually cared.

On an unrelated note: a thrifted prom gown I recently listed

The last time we were in contact was on New Year's Day of 2015. I don't really remember much of what was said. What I remember was how he ended our text conversation: "keep in touch." It felt good to have a friend out there.
Less than a month later, he was gone.
This story has what they call a circular ending; it started at the end of the story, went back in time, and has brought us back to where I left off in my intro. (I'm not really sure why I chose to spell that out for my readers.)
On one moment I had a friend out there. I had someone that I didn't talk to or see very often, but was someone that knew me and cared for me. Then a moment later, that person ceased to exist.
Unfriended on Facebook, no responses to my pleas for answers... Why? I wanted to know. Acknowledge me, damnit!
If anyone has read my earlier stories and finds this part familiar to my previous struggles, then you would be correct to make that connection. It had been almost two years since the trauma of having my trusted friend and former boyfriend betray me. Even then I knew that in time, even if it took years and years, I would get over the pain. I had made so much progress and the wounds I thought healed had been ripped open. All those feelings of abandonment and confusion, the feel like I've been left drowning...all coming back to me.
When he left me the first time, he told me that he wouldn't refuse to face me like John had. This time he wouldn't even respond to a text message. I have no answers and have no idea what prompted him to cut off contact. All I know is that he did it again. He broke my heart when he kicked me to the curb, but it's not like he could break up with me again. I guess I was wrong because I managed to get hurt by him twice.
I was left to become a detective; to search for clues, to establish motivation, to talk to witnesses. As I previously mentioned, I had recently heard salacious rumors with him in the center. Any secondhand gossip is not my story to tell, so I will not discuss details of this "scandal" but I had my suspicions that his alleged wrongdoings were related to me getting the axe. (Which would be typical: he does the crime, and others are forced to pay.) Also, the "witnesses" I rounded up were not much help. Because of the "bros before hoes" clause, both his best friend and his roommate would not betray their villainous comrade by providing me with their testimony.
Just like that, we ceased to exist to each other. He has refused any contact with me and I will most likely never see him again. Like an internet executioner, his deletion of my Facebook-friend-status brought down the blade to my neck; the undeniable proof of a friendship being put to death. It's like I finally get that "Somebody That I Used To Know" song by Gotye.

Edited/updated for recent events

And that's about it. He was erased from my world. Where I once had a friend, now stands a proverbial "enemy." If his name comes up amongst mutual friends so does a lingering anger in my heart. He was glaringly absent from that "WAW Save the Dojo/Reunion" show. When his lifelong tag team partner, Pyro asked him to compete in a match where he would wrestle on the other Firebird's behalf against an opponent selected by Rocko (Pyro's opponent for WAW's special event, Legacy), Falcon declined despite the fact that he has had some of his best matches with that performer. That person be...

 Christian Sain.

As seen in that old picture from the year 2008, he is standing triumphantly on the ropes with his business partner beside him; that would be me, Moody Starr.
The first wrestler to work with Moody in a "client/manager" storyline, whom I later had a real life relationship with. He agreed to the match and I was along for the ride...provided that we could do a gimmick involving the best show ever:

 Game of Thrones

I escorted Chris in his King of the North cape to the ring and then sat at the commentary table. When Rocko got on the mic to address Falcon's absence, I took the opportunity to proclaim via commentary that his head was the first to roll and that he would not be flying north into my kingdom ever again. Then I pulled my index finger slowly across my throat, the international symbol for "off with your head."
And then I laughed my ass off. I may never get the answers I seek so that I may heal my wounds. I may never get the chance to confront he who has hurt me two times. But, I was able to act out a "victory" in the most dramatic insane way possible. I was Queen for one more time and for that I was happy.
And sometimes that's all I can ask for. Goodbye, Falcon.

Storytelling: rising action

 Note: this post was originally written on February 9th, but I put it on hold until I could add a little extra. Sorry, this post had been shelved so long.

Another week, another snow day (two actually). Being home gives me time to reflect and remember and put what I think are really deep thoughts on the Internet. Sometimes I avoid it and blogging gets lost in with my other daily activities.

 Continued from here...
 ...and again here.
Where I last left this hanging, it was the beginning of 2013. I had left WAW behind in the previous month, but couldn't shake the pain. My relationship with Mike/Falcon had started as casual but was starting to look like an actual relationship, and for that I was grateful. I managed to get on the bad side of the WAW girlfriends, who asserted their power over me -the former Queen Bee- through their boyfriends, essentially ending any involvement with the promotion for the time. Falcon was a great source of pride to me. Falcon, the WAW Champion, well liked by all and respected for his talent; he was with me. 
One of the few highlights of my life was the visits from my "not really boyfriend." Usually Wednesday, one of his nights off from work, was our date night. I would leave school and rush home to meet him and it felt amazing. We had a weekly ritual, one that was perfect for a school night.

 

I remember taking that picture on my phone to capture the happiness. On the left, macaroni and cheese from a place that makes specialty mac and cheese, a bottle of Coke because he loves Coke, and a DVD of the first season of the best show ever: Game of Thrones.
After going to Mr. Mac's once, he wanted to go back often and I happily obliged because it's freaking delicious. We ate this awesome dinner on my couch as we watched an episode of our show before the best part of the night; getting in bed with him.
Falcon worked the overnight shift, and it wasn't exactly nearby. So, while I had him on Wednesdays, Fridays I spent alone, as with the rest of my days. My depression wasn't a quiet one. I had frequent crying fits and I scared myself worrying about what was going to happen to me. I didn't think what I had with this man was serious enough to make him suffer with me, nor did I want to grow too attached so someone who was supposed to be just a fling. Before Falcon grew weary of my mental state, I thought I should give him an out.
It would have been best if I made him leave then, but kicking the habit was easier said than done. I remember telling him to go; telling him that I needed someone who could love me, but that person wasn't him. I told him we couldn't see each other, while proverbially clinging to his presence.
On an early April evening, I sipped a cocktail alone, lamenting my Saturday night sadness. I chatted on Facebook messenger with John and remember some of the conversation. I said, "I had to let the champ (Falcon) go.  He doesn't like me enough. Someone loved me once, so someone can love me again." John asked me where he was and I said that he was "enjoying the wrestling show we built for him." We shared LOLs and John said, "good for you," in regards to my strength in dropping my partner. I told him Falcon was currently texting me to check in and saying he was going to stop by after the show. I drunkenly said that I would send him away and tell him to go ride the boat with Ben Affleck (it's a reference to this old educational show set in Falcon's hometown).
John said that I shouldn't! He said that if Falcon wanted to be there for me, I should let him help me. John approved of Falcon and said I should let him in. (Was this foreshadowing? Yes.) So, I opened the door, and my stupid heart.
It was good that I did, because I was going to need him. Maybe John had known that ahead of time, because soon after that night; this happened. My closest confidant and former boyfriend hurt me like no one else ever had. John was gone, taking his support, the belief I had in myself, and all my happy memories with him. So, whether holding onto Falcon was right or not, it was necessary for my survival.
So, what was I getting myself into? Who is Falcon, or Michael?

It is important to remember that in the dark parts of my mind, I reminded myself this man was no good for any woman; but he sure did a good job in making me forget it. I felt I was able to be my absolute true self around him, and be honest in all my horrible thoughts and feelings. I felt comfortable enough to make a literary comparison of him. I was reminded of:

Title character from Mozart's opera Don Giovanni

Not sure if my reference is too pretentious, but surely I am not the only one who took fine arts/humanities courses in college and remembers this famous opera. Here's a synopsis from it, the way I recall: Don Giovanni is an infamous womanizer making one conquest after another. He creates all sorts of chaos in the lives of those he hurt. One of these woman, Donna Elvira, says she no longer hates him and urges him to change his ways. Giovanni is like, "nope, I'm a narcissist, I'll never get my comeuppance!" Then, the ground opens up and he gets dragged into the fiery pits of hell.
I am in no way saying that Falcon is on a highway to hell nor am I proclaiming him "evil." I'm using the limited knowledge I have to make sense of him; to understand.I'm pretty sure what makes him tick is not pure evil.
What Falcon and Mozart's anti-hero have in common is their desire to seduce any woman in their path. For Falcon, this was not hard to do. Once he cast that spell on me, I was drawn in like a magnet. I thought he was amazing and he thought he was amazing too. He had a hubris about him, flaunting conventional love/sex rules because he knew he could.
Unlike Don Giovanni, Falcon doesn't just "love" 'em and leave 'em. In my case, he really made the effort to show his affection and in his way, loyalty. During the spring and summer of 2013, we talked everyday and he drove the distance to be with me whenever possible. While the world outside my home was a frightening city of tears, I was more than happy to welcome Falcon into my apartment where he helped me feel safe and cared for. During this time, we formed a close bond and a series of routines all of which lulled me into a feeling of safety and trust.
He loved my crafty side and encouraged me to create, which I often did just for him.

Shirt I made using the freezer paper stencil technique. This is sort of based on the art piece.

He was so good to me, that it was easy to forget what I knew to be true about him. I just wanted to enjoy the moments I had with him and not worry too much about what could wrong. The best part of that summer was getting the chance to do many of the things I didn't do the year before. Like, enjoy life. The memories are still so clear. We drove up north in NH on a beautiful day and played in the shallow rocky swimming areas of the Saco river, before walking the streets of the little town. We went to Hampton Beach and strolled the boardwalk of tacky shops and jumped into the freezing-ass ocean waves. I spent the day in his hometown; we attended his sister's high school graduation and took a quick walk on a beach. While driving through Gloucester, I thought it was so beautiful.
Also, we went rollerskating. There are so few roller skating rinks left, but we are lucky enough to have one pretty close. I was pretty damn good on wheels, as a child, and Falcon was mostly good at any kind of physical activity (eye roll).

Here's an incredible skate-holding bag featuring the name of said skating place. I did not buy that bag, as the thrift store wanted $25.

I had so much fun doing things like that with him. Sometimes, I lay in bed and I remember being wrapped in his arms and long to have that feeling again.
Up next; the conclusion.