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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Once upon a time

I decided to tell my stories of anger, sadness, and poor choices. The Following is a tale of woe from the past--and the pain that resurfaced as the winter storm rages on...

Although clearly "Frozen" inspired, this story will take you back to a time when the sun was shining so damn hard that we were all covered in sweat. The summer of 2013, when I went back and forth between feelings of raged sadness to joy and happiness. Regular readers will recall the traumatic experiences I had around then, but what I haven't talked much about was the time I spent with Mike. Now, the time has come.
Do you want to do some cosplay? My plan for the snow day was to come up with a DIY Frozen inspired outfit: an evil Elsa...but I didn't have anything that looked the part. (You can barely see my little side braid.)  So, I'm a winter-themed, super villain.
Mike was more commonly known to myself and others as "Falcon", his wrestling moniker. Up until very recently, I counted him as a friend. We rarely saw each other. He lives with another woman and has little reason to be in my neighborhood. We didn't chat often, as it wouldn't be appropriate. But, every now and then we would keep in touch via text message and it was always pleasant. Since our split in '13, he has actually stopped by to visit a few times. The last time we chatted was after New Years. As he bid me goodnight, the last message he sent was, "keep in touch." I planned to.
He is an ex. He is the man who dumped me on my ass before my father got sick, which happened to be the week before school started. That break up took a lot out of me, practically everything. However, Falcon always had my back; even as he was ripping my heart out. 
Readers: I know what you're thinking, and I hear ya. "You were friends with your ex? Again? You learned nothing from the previous experience, and now you're basically going through the same thing again?!"
To respond; yeah, pretty much...but I accept kindness from whomever offers it and it felt better to forgive than to hate. I mean technically speaking, he broke up with me--he is allowed to do that, there are no rules against that (it's just strongly frowned upon.) Everyone wants to have people in their lives that care about them, that they can feel safe with. I don't know why I had that bond with him, but I did. 
Spring, 2013. Not the most flattering pic, but whatevs.
So, when I hit him up some time last week, I wasn't surprised that I didn't immediately hear back. He works long overnight hours and I'm not his girlfriend. A few days later, my curiosity got the best of me and I texted again. I had heard rumors of his possible involvement in a scandal, but for once, I didn't know anything about it. I just wanted to check in. When this reaching out when unanswered, I was concerned. About what, I'm not sure, but I figured, "hey, maybe I can find some clues on his rarely used Facebook!"
And then I saw it. Near his default photo (one I had actually taken myself!) was the message "Add Michael as a Friend." So, if Facebook is suggesting I add him as a friend, that can only mean that we are not friends. I had been unfriended. The realization stunned me and I stared at the screen in horror. Why? What have I done to deserve this?!
Now let's be real and stop pretending that being unfriended is not something that adults are allowed to care about. I'm not talking about an old coworker with whom you rarely spoke; I'm talking about an actual IRL friend that you liked. That person I cared about went to a list of "friends," found my name and picture, and then removed me from that list. Casual acquaintances can be Facebook friends; being purposely excluded from someone's online world sends a clear message. Friendship=over. 
"You're as cold as ice..."
 Falcon joined WAW around the 2008-09 years, but it took me a while before getting to know him. He was serious about wrestling and very good at it. His home was in the Massachusetts North Shore area, a bit if a distance from the WAW headquarters in Manchester, NH. He didn't make a habit of hanging out with the regular crew and at shows, he was all business. 
Around 2011, (and my timeline might not be perfect) our wrestling paths crossed when my character Moody Starr began managing his tag team, The Firebirds. At some point, Falcon took an extended leave after undergoing surgery on an injured shoulder. Interestingly, it was during that time when we got to know each other. 
We never should have happened. It was doomed from the start and I knew it. But from that first time he contacted me; my fate was sealed. 

To be continued.

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