|White birch trees|
Before starting this blog chronicling my "healing" from depression, I had to first heal enough to have the drive to take on the project. I was getting stronger, little by little. I had the support of someone I trusted. All summer, he helped me with encouragement, photo-taking, and we even collaborated on spray painting some chairs we picked out together.
On Tuesday, I was compiling photos of some of my summer outfits for a post titled, "Last Days of Summer." I had to work that night, so I didn't finish--when I woke up on Wednesday, everything was different.
I phoned my mother and asked her to come and pick me up--I had relapsed into a deep depression and could not stop crying. It's Friday night now, and I'm under the care of my parents, borrowing my mom's computer. At the moment, I'm able to type this, but my mood can dip any time. I don't know when I will be able to return to my apartment. I don't know when I will be able to blog again.
When I titled this blog, it was a nod to my home state's unusual motto, "Live Free or Die." The white birch is our state tree and something I've always appreciated for its unique beauty. According to wikipedia, "The birch is highly adaptive and able to sustain harsh conditions with casual indifference." In winter, the heavy snow bends their branches, but they survive and bloom again in the spring.
I planned on getting a tattoo of a the bare tree's silhouette; very simple with the words "this too shall pass" circled around it. But, I'm just not sure any more. Besides, I had planned on him being there with me to hold my hand, like he said he would.
Now, I just don't know.