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Thursday, May 7, 2015

Late Conclusion

Months later, I am finally posting the end of the story I started during the winter. My "first draft" has been trapped in a notebook since late February because I didn't feel like editing and typing and got busy with other stuff.
Now, the winter is gone. Each season changes and I'm struck by how different things become. Where life was once constant--the people, the places, the events--now seems ever changing. I think back on recent years and each is different from the next. It's as if each is a new era. 
The spring is so damn short. (Whispers) this forsythia bush is symbolic of that because this deciduous plant blooms in spring for a short amount of time. 
I hate when my leaves fall off. (Follow the metaphor...) Whether good or bad, I don't like to lose people or places. I yearn for those times in my past and the people who are no longer part of my world.
Look at this crushed velvet dress.
My story concludes...
So as that summer of 2013 came to close, so did the Moody-Falcon era. He used to leave his overnight job early in the morning and drive up to see me each Wednesday. Then one late August morning, I woke up alone with a feeling of dread. A phone call confirmed that my time was up. This story isn't about that.
It was like watching Ned Stark lose his head. My mind was blown and I just couldn't accept it. "Noooo!" I repeated, as if I could make him take it back. But, you can't just reattach a head to its body, and I could not hold onto a goddamn bird of prey as it flew out of my hands.
As I descended back into the abyss of depression (also my dad was about to have heart surgery) Falcon kept in touch. He cried with me and was very sensitive to my pain. I told him I wanted to say goodbye face to face, and he agreed that he would, saying that he wouldn't refuse to face me like John had. In September he came by to see me. I remember crying in my doorway as we hugged our final farewells. He had tears in his eyes as he looked back at me before walking out the door, leaving me to live a life all by myself. I was the loneliest girl in the world. 
WAW held its 14th Anniversary Celebrations in November. I had been gone a year, but old timers are invited back to participate. Falcon was only wrestling part time, but he invited me to appear at WAW 14 as manager of the Firebirds. 
That was us as a team back in 2011/2012
I was scared as hell to be back in that place again, but under Falcon's wing (sorry) I felt like I was safe with a trusted friend. Afterwards, he told me that as I walked through those old curtains to make my way to the ring that my tough/angry looked lit up into a smile when I heard the audience cheer.
In the time that followed, we stayed in touch. He was always so kind to me, a real freakin' gentleman. He actually appreciated my honesty when I made humorous jabs at his "evil ways." Sometimes, he would stop in and visit. He came by one day last summer and we took a walk through the downtown area where I live and had smoothies. It was great.
I should mention that during any visits or texting chats did he ever attempt to lure me into the sack. It seemed to contradict what I had previously said in the beginning about crossing state lines. He was actually taking time to talk to me as a friend. As if he actually cared.
On an unrelated note: a thrifted prom gown I recently listed
The last time we were in contact was on New Year's Day of 2015. I don't really remember much of what was said. What I remember was how he ended our text conversation: "keep in touch." It felt good to have a friend out there.
Less than a month later, he was gone.
This story has what they call a circular ending; it started at the end of the story, went back in time, and has brought us back to where I left off in my intro. (I'm not really sure why I chose to spell that out for my readers.)
On one moment I had a friend out there. I had someone that I didn't talk to or see very often, but was someone that knew me and cared for me. Then a moment later, that person ceased to exist.
Unfriended on Facebook, no responses to my pleas for answers... Why? I wanted to know. Acknowledge me, damnit!
If anyone has read my earlier stories and finds this part familiar to my previous struggles, then you would be correct to make that connection. It had been almost two years since the trauma of having my trusted friend and former boyfriend betray me. Even then I knew that in time, even if it took years and years, I would get over the pain. I had made so much progress and the wounds I thought healed had been ripped open. All those feelings of abandonment and confusion, the feel like I've been left drowning...all coming back to me.
When he left me the first time, he told me that he wouldn't refuse to face me like John had. This time he wouldn't even respond to a text message. I have no answers and have no idea what prompted him to cut off contact. All I know is that he did it again. He broke my heart when he kicked me to the curb, but it's not like he could break up with me again. I guess I was wrong because I managed to get hurt by him twice.
I was left to become a detective; to search for clues, to establish motivation, to talk to witnesses. As I previously mentioned, I had recently heard salacious rumors with him in the center. Any secondhand gossip is not my story to tell, so I will not discuss details of this "scandal" but I had my suspicions that his alleged wrongdoings were related to me getting the axe. (Which would be typical: he does the crime, and others are forced to pay.) Also, the "witnesses" I rounded up were not much help. Because of the "bros before hoes" clause, both his best friend and his roommate would not betray their villainous comrade by providing me with their testimony.
Just like that, we ceased to exist to each other. He has refused any contact with me and I will most likely never see him again. Like an internet executioner, his deletion of my Facebook-friend-status brought down the blade to my neck; the undeniable proof of a friendship being put to death. It's like I finally get that "Somebody That I Used To Know" song by Gotye.
Edited/updated for recent events
And that's about it. He was erased from my world. Where I once had a friend, now stands a proverbial "enemy." If his name comes up amongst mutual friends so does a lingering anger in my heart. He was glaringly absent from that "WAW Save the Dojo/Reunion" show. When his lifelong tag team partner, Pyro asked him to compete in a match where he would wrestle on the other Firebird's behalf against an opponent selected by Rocko (Pyro's opponent for WAW's special event, Legacy), Falcon declined despite the fact that he has had some of his best matches with that performer. That person be...
 Christian Sain.

As seen in that old picture from the year 2008, he is standing triumphantly on the ropes with his business partner beside him; that would be me, Moody Starr.
The first wrestler to work with Moody in a "client/manager" storyline, whom I later had a real life relationship with. He agreed to the match and I was along for the ride...provided that we could do a gimmick involving the best show ever:
 Game of Thrones
I escorted Chris in his King of the North cape to the ring and then sat at the commentary table. When Rocko got on the mic to address Falcon's absence, I took the opportunity to proclaim via commentary that his head was the first to roll and that he would not be flying north into my kingdom ever again. Then I pulled my index finger slowly across my throat, the international symbol for "off with your head."
And then I laughed my ass off. I may never get the answers I seek so that I may heal my wounds. I may never get the chance to confront he who has hurt me two times. But, I was able to act out a "victory" in the most dramatic insane way possible. I was Queen for one more time and for that I was happy.
And sometimes that's all I can ask for. Goodbye, Falcon.


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